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A Bittersweet Season: Caring for Our Aging Parents--and Ourselves, by Jane Gross
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Review
“Unique and lovely. . . . How wonderful to have [Gross’s] mix of sage advice, pithy insights and practical discoveries at hand.” —Abraham Verghese, author of Cutting for Stone “Nothing can fully prepare you for the overwhelming experience of caring for your elderly parents, but Jane Gross’s new book, A Bittersweet Season, comes awfully close . . . Gross is an incisive critic of our systems and institutions.” —The Seattle Times“A forthright story and trenchant advice. . . . Intimate and affecting.” —The New York Times Book Review “A smart and highly detailed book about navigating the complex eldercare system as it related to healthcare, insurance and end of life. . . . The kind of book social workers might suggest to the family who craves more perspective about the logistical issues mentioned above. . . . Readers will find they are engaged by how much they learn in reading Gross’s account.” —Psychology Today"Hugely informative, and a gripping read." —Betty Rollin, author of Last Wish “A Bittersweet Season is sure to become required reading for anyone with an elderly parent who depends on long-term care. It's also a worthwhile read for anyone who is interested in America's health care system as it braces for the demands posed by demographic changes that include a sharp rise in the group now termed the "old old." —The Huffington Post “An invaluable guide. . . . Excellent. . . . . Jane Gross has taken her own painful experiences and worked hard to give needed help to us all.” —Commonweal Magazine "With great insight and empathy, Jane Gross guides us through one of the most difficult of all life transitions—the decline and death of our parents. Not only does she provide a wonderfully helpful guide for how and what to do, and when. She also enables us to understand what our parents need, and what we ourselves need, during this passage.” —Robert B. Reich, author of Aftershock “This is tough stuff, and Gross writes movingly about the toll it takes on her and other caregivers. . . . She’s serious about documenting the often hidden workload borne by middle-aged daughters and sons.” —The Boston Globe “A Bittersweet Season deals with a sobering topic. But the narrative is so lively and informative that readers will come away feeling more prepared than pessimistic . . . An intelligent guide to handling the onset of old age with sagacity and sensitivity.” —BookPage “This book is an invaluable and comprehensive primer on what most Americans will face soon. Its honest and loving message is to prepare yourself now.” —Jeff Madrick, author of Age of Greed “Readers may pick up this very well-written book to learn about taking care of their own ailing parents, but will soon realize that it’s also a wake-up call to become educated in order to make informed decisions about their own inevitable aging.” —The New York Jewish Week“A Bittersweet Season is a brave and compelling book by a masterful storyteller.” —Carol Levine, director, Families and Health Care Project, United Hospital Fund
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About the Author
Jane Gross was a reporter for Sports Illustrated and Newsday before joining The New York Times in 1978. Her twenty-nine-year tenure there included national assignments as well as coverage of aging. In 2008, she launched a blog for the Times called The New Old Age, to which she still contributes. She has taught journalism at the University of California, Berkeley, and at Columbia University, and was the recipient of a John S. Knight Fellowship. She lives in Westchester County, New York.
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Product details
Paperback: 448 pages
Publisher: Vintage; Reprint edition (May 1, 2012)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 030747240X
ISBN-13: 978-0307472403
Product Dimensions:
5.2 x 1 x 8 inches
Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
188 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#200,185 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This book squarely hit home with me. I have an aging mother who is the beginning stages of dependency but refuses to acknowledge it. I greatly appreciate Ms. Gross's plain talk about what to expect, what usually happens and why, how much to expect things to cost and how your parent is likely to react to it all. This book is written for the general masses of people who don't have millions of dollars to spend, siblings who may or may not help, and the nightmare of the medical world for the elderly and those who are trying to navigate through it. I think what hit me the most were the signs so often missed that tell us our parents are having some serious problems. One I noticed in my own mother was she wasn't eating because her teeth weren't hitting correctly and chewing had become a difficult thing for her to do. I hope I am now much more aware of subtle signs of potential aging problems and deal with them before they become overly serious.I really, really do appreciate this book. I need this book right now and I keep it close by to re-read as needed.Thank-you Ms. Gross for writing this. It goes beyond the horizon in helping those of us facing the same problems you went through with your mother. This is by far the best book I've ever read on the subject. I have been dreading the day when I will have to deal with my mother's aging and her refusal to be helped and you have given me new perspective. It can be a enriching journey if I want it to be, and I didn't know that before. I basically anticipated feces covered sheets, smells, confusion, anger and guilt for the most part. I am the daughter and 90% or more of the caring responsibility will fall to me. At least now I have some solid guidance and hope. Thank-you!
“Getting old,†said actress Bette Davis, “ain’t for sissies.†The laundry list of physical problems with aging is compounded by the elder's concerns with the health care system, their insurance coverage, and the costs of longterm care. Combined, these burdens can wreak havoc on seniors' emotional, physical and financial well being and security.Jane Gross offers a comprehensive look at how to age well using her 3-year experience with her mother’s decline. It’s a cautionary tale, but if handled right, a hopeful one, and, she reminds us, one that is about to become more common as baby boomers – some 60 million of them – age.She builds her elder care lessons around her mother’s story, expertly weaving in Medicare and Medicaid definitions, medical information, along with common sense advice like “stay out of the emergency rooms to the extent possible.†Her book is not a social or political statement on elder care – Gross acknowledges her upper middle-class status allowed her to access services and resources for her mother in a way the poor or abandoned can’t.In essence, that is the book: that the biggest advantage in growing old is not only having information, but the power to act on it. And the strength to do that comes from a family committed to their elder’s well being. If you already have that, you’re halfway home. To get all the way home, read this book as a guide to logistical next steps.
I am only about 1/3 through this formidable book but I wanted to say it has been an extremely helpful read so far. If you're like me, you might hesitate to buy a memoir if what you're looking for is concrete help to navigate what you face as the caregiver of an elderly parent. I thought about it twice, and then decided to go for it because I suspected the quality of the writing itself would be better than your average resource guide. I am so glad I did. Jane Gross uses her own personal experience as a way to explore different aspects of caregiving, and provides a ton of factual and statistical information in the process. I was really taken by what she had to say about Assisted Living (proceed with caution). Ms. Gross has done a tremendously generous thing in sharing her experiences, including her missteps, so that we can learn from them. Some of her quotes are memorable. I am paraphrasing, but a few of them are, "Take your time. It's all about the journey, because let's face it, we know how it ends," and "Through caregiving, I found my better self." That last one just really punched me in the throat, because I have felt lately that if I survive this, I will emerge a better self. Thank you, Jane.
Outside of being annoyed by typos, this is a great read for anyone going through the parent transitioning process. When a loved one gets to the point of needing more care, what should you do? The answers are within yourself, and no on can help you make those very hard decisions. But some of the pitfalls, and traumatic errors can be avoided with help by reading this book. I personally think that starting early when your parent is in their 40s, 50s, and 60s, is the first step to getting the right answers to so many of the questions we find ourselves asking when the time to move a parent from a beloved home to a continuing care facility, or assisted living facility happens. Where does the money come from? Who will take care of the main needs of the parent? Who will be there when they have to go to the hospital? What siblings are on board to help? Jane Gross goes into great detail about many of the situations we boomers find ourselves in when our parents need to rely on us most.
Jane Gross has done a great service by reporting so honestly about the sorrows and joys--and the mistakes!--connected with seeing her mother through the last years of her life. Anyone who has cared for an elderly relative will find something here to identify with. She has also tried to explain some of the complications involved with Medicare, Medicaid, assisted living, nursing homes, and so on. The information is helpful, and yet it interferes with the narrative. If the issues involved don't concern the reader directly, it's possible to skip over them. I appreciate the author's admission that she and her brother have many advantages in terms of available finances, connections, education, and so on. Perhaps I'm waiting for someone to write about caring for someone with fewer resources. Overall, this is a good and useful book.
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